Relationship Advice – Do You Really Know Each Other? Did you ever really know each other?

Did you ever really love each other? – Do you look back on a relationship that has recently ended and feel that although you may have spent months or even years together, you never really saw your partner as they truly are? Does it feel as if you’ve been deceived or duped? If you feel that way you probably aren’t just angry with your ex but annoyed with yourself for having ‘been so blind’. And it could be that if you had opened your eyes you would have seen it sooner but you probably were burying your head in the sand because you wanted to make the relationship/friendship work. So when your ex partner or friend stepped on your feelings, seemed a little manipulative or acted in a way you weren’t quite comfortable with, you turned a blind eye. You didn’t say or do anything because you didn’t want to rock the relationship boat.

Are you being honest with yourself about your relationship? Are you able to speak your truth when you are together? Or do you suppress your voice? Do you feel you can share emotions or do you keep these hidden deep inside? Do you often hold back from sharing your thoughts or responding as you truly want to? Do you refrain from acting in a way you would like to for fear of losing your partner/friend? If you answer ‘yes’ to many of these questions, you should ask yourself next: Do we really know each other? And if the answer is ‘no’, consider that you are or were (if the relationship is over) not in love with the person they truly are.

Do You Really Know Each Other? In all relationships there may be times when we will keep our thoughts to ourselves to avoid conflict or argument. We might make sacrifices for our partner to please them or because we want to make them happy. Where there is balance, the relationship is healthy. But when you suppress your voice, fail to take the action you would like, keep your feelings hidden and this is a regular occurrence, this is a pretty strong warning that your relationship isn’t as happy as you long for it to be. You are both hiding your true selves from each other. You are ‘acting’ as you feel your partner/friend wants to see you. Their love is 'conditional' on you being the person they are trying to mould you into being. And the longer this goes on, the less likely you are to be honest with them for fear of being judged harshly.

It can take six months and even longer to feel as if you know a person as the longer you are together, the more likely it is that you will start to get a real feel for whom they are. Everyone holds back when they first start dating or when friendships begin. It is natural to be guarded and to protect your heart from hurt. But as relationships develop, the masks should come off as both partners reveal their true selves to each other. This is a healthy progression in a relationship.

If you are questioning your relationships or you’ve been together a long while and wondering whether you really know your partner/friend, ask yourself:

Am I happy? Do I trust this person? Can I be myself with this person and not fear that they will judge me? Can I express my true thoughts and feelings without worrying about their reaction? Do we respect each other? Are we able to compromise? Have I stopped activities I enjoy to please my partner/friend? Do I hold back from doing what I want because they don’t approve? Have I ended some friendships because this partner/friend did not approve of them? Do I go along with their wishes to make them happy? Do I suppress my voice for fear of their reaction or of being judged? Now again: Am I really happy?

Repair your Relationship: Be true to yourself. If you keep holding back so as not to rock the relationship boat, stop pretending all is okay. Be yourself. Admit to yourself you’ve been hiding your feelings to keep the peace. Start to stand up for yourself and be honest about what you want, what you don’t want and how you really feel. Refuse to be manipulated into ending friendships and relationships that make you happy just because your partner doesn’t approve or is jealous of them.

If your partner/friend loves you, respects you and appreciates you for who you are, this will make your relationship stronger. Unfortunately, in some instances, your partner/friend will turn against you for not acting in a way they feel you should and you may lose them but you could be saving yourself future additional heartache and pain staying together with someone who is pretending to care.

When you start loving yourself for who you are and being yourself with others, standing up for your principles and trusting your intuition if you feel someone is trying to manipulate you, you will find too that you will draw genuine, sincere people into your circle.